Carrying you upside down

It's been 37 weeks now, she said
I do not understand the calculation, dear, so let's just let her do the counting for us.
I have taken you everywhere I go, through my ups and downs.
I only hope you wouldn't see me as a careless person once you finally meet me.

She said I should be expecting to meet you in person in no so distant future
And my biggest fear was I couldn't be there for you in every occasion.
There are loads of minor fears, I have to say, but lets just keep it just for me.

I am nowhere near perfection, you must know.
I just hope I'm nowhere near embarrassment for you in the future.
It will be tough for the both of us, I assure you.
And I must apologize in advance for that, before my ego takes place later on.

For these past 10 weeks or so, I carry you upside down.
I know it's not comfortable for you, as you were jumping around, and all I can do is watch.
I could do nothing to help you find the way out,
but you have to know, I'm keeping you safe and sound, protected by my own self.

I am looking forward to meet you in person soon.
Please be healthy and strong, you.

---
TQ

This Ain't The Fairy Tale

Every girl, I repeat, every single girl in this world, has her fairy tale living inside herself. Yes, you girls born with vaginas and later grow boobs, should admit it. How fearless you might seem, how independent you might be, how artificial your body are, deep there, there’s this Cinderella, Pocahontas, Barbie, Snow White selves. Don’t buy it? Did you recall the last time you went home, driving by yourself, and suddenly the sound system just blast Maroon 5’s *errr, I forgot the song… the one with, ‘I don’t mind standing everyday, right on your corner…’ lyric?* that song, and suddenly you felt like when you came home, it’ll be raining and there would be Adam Levine standing on your doorway? No? Never? Well, it’s just me then.

But come on drama queens. No matter how much you hated those sinetrons on tv, you are still looking for that spotlight, and pretend that you’re the lead character in your story of life. Sometimes you took part as the scriptwriter as well. You wanted things to go as you picture it, as you planned it. Still don’t believe me? Well just go throw yourself to one shopping mall with an unlimited credit card, and just report to me on what have you splurge.

(That's me... being the Oh-So-Beautiful-Princess-With-Giraffe-Headed-Tiara)

The thing is, my fellow fairy tale princess friends… *tidying up my tiara* There’s this other creature who was born with penis attached and later grow a filter for those loveydovey things, named man. Male, for exact. Now, they don’t think like those princes in fairy tales. Have you been watching prince William? Well, scratch off the fact that he’s hat-genic, still he’s no prince in fairy tale. He still waited for 9 years to propose and went to the office after his wedding. Now, I don’t think that’s what Kate Middleton had in mind. But then, she compromised. She tore the papers of her fairy tale and wrote her story all over again. So much for marrying a prince. ☺

Anyway, having this male creature living on the same earth, meaning we, as fairy tale princesses (Tidying up my tiara… again), have to compromise. So don’t expect for some guy waiting for you under the rain when you came home, because you’ll be defeated by football, soccer, automobiles, motorbikes, boxing (!). No, the guy would like completely ignore your existence in this world when it happens. And (say) if there’s GP racing, their favorite club on match, and gadgets on the show, you should just fade away gracefully, because not only that you did not exist in their minds, your fairy tale story is also falling apart. Trust me, from all the case studies I stalk observe, they wouldn’t even care if you walk around naked are lost inside this jungle and tried to call him.

So, nope, this ain’t the fairy tale. Unless you’re a lesbian. Errr… that would make it more complicated for your life, so I would suggest to stay on your track. ☺

---

TiQi Bo

photo courtesy of Ayu Wiryodisastro

Toshi's playlist at the moment

Anyway, I'm drop dead at the moment...
My body's not cooperating with me... :(

So, here it is, my play list at the moment:
1. Rest stop - Matchbox 20
And I thought, hell if it's over, I had better end it quick, or I lost all my nerve...
a girl kicking out a guy just 3 miles from the rest stop? this song is cool... *smirk*

2. Out from Under - Britney Spears
I don't wanna dream about, All the things that never were, Maybe I could live without, When I'm out from under...
Britney's baaaaaack! *lebay* anyway, I'm under my nyunyimut at the moment... so yeah, I'll catch up when I'm out from under...

3. First Train Home - Imogen Heap
And I can't do any of that here, can I? First train home, I've got to get on it...
Yeah, still the same homesick girl as I always were... Haven't found a better home to come to, anyway... No place like home... =D

4. Berganti hati - Anggun *yeah, she's still on my play list... :p*
Aku ingin pergi, dan berganti hati...
first saw the videoclip on my way back to Solo... heart transplant, anyone? *krikrikrik* *am heartless, anyway...*

5. Anything but ordinary - Avril Lavigne
Is it enough to love, is it enough to breath, somebody ripped my heart off, and leave me here to bleed, is it enough to die, somebody saved my life, I'd rather be anything but ordinary please..
scream baby, scream! never have been n ordinary person, so why would I change to become a normal one? =p anyway, missed singing this song with Heni out loud... *IS IT ENOOOOOOOUGH?????!!!* =D

6. PDA - Backstreetboys *ow, shush...*
Kissing and touching with my hands all over your booty, your PDA...
sang out loud this song in my office, and no one was even giving a smirk... ah, normal office... and sang this song for Dut and Kur2 and they laughed... aaaahhhh, this is the group I belong to... *PDA Kur, Dut... PDA...*

7. Samba Sunda - Bali Lounge
*krikrikrik* no lyric for this, I just loooooove the sound... :)
I just love this song, I don't know why... maybe it's because the complexity of the sound... ah, and I love depapepe's songs as well... superb! *care for a samba?*

8. Lirih - Chrisye
Ingin ku coba lagi, mengulang yang telah terjadi, tetapi semua sudah tak berarti, kau telah pergi...
I left... you left... you cameback... I'm still gone... sorry for the harsh fact....

9. The riddle - Five For Fighting
Here's a riddle for you, find the answer, there's a reason for the word, you and I...
still can't solve the riddle life has brought me... someday maybe, someday... when I start to find the answers... =D

10. Keep breathing - Ingrid Michaelson
I won't change the world, instead I'll sleep...
I like the grey's anatomy though... and this was one of the song there...

11. 3x5 - John Mayer
Didn't have a camera by my side this time, hoping I would see the world through both my eyes...
is it enough to frame things in my mind through my eyes? at the moment, yeah...

12. East coast of Java - Kayon
*anotherkrikrikrik* I also like the sound, hehe...
succeed to send the mp3s of Kayon to mas Andang..nice thingy isn't it, mas? I've told youuuuu...

13. The Ocean - Mae
You've come over unannounced, silence broken by your voice in the dark, I need you here tonight just like the ocean needs the waves...
Michie said Mae was good, and I trust him for that... it's the only thing that I can trust him on, huehehehe... =p

14. Peppermint - Plastic Operator
My peppermint, my sweetest thing, you can not loose 'cos I can't win...
Missed Bali when I heard this song... Sigur Ros from Anind, Maroon 5 from mas Galih, and Plastic Operator from Mylan... way to go, mates! let the studio swaaaaaay!!!

15. Two way Monologue - Sondre Lerche
So start the two way monologue, that speaks your mind...
I like how this song said about spelling names over and over... my name's rather hard to spell... =D and yeah, missed talking to Mum and Pap... =(

16. Last Train Home - Ryan Star (OST PS. I Love You)
And if you wait for me, I'll be your voice when you don't know what to say, I'll be your shelter, I'll be your fate, I'll be forever...
Train and Home... two way to describe me being homesick...=p This one, is something that describes me going home for good, which I don't know when...


16's good... 16 should be adequate...
Sorry, I'm in the state of emosijiwa and capekfisik, so my play list is kinda weird... Well, who cares anyway, right? =)

---
TiQi Bo

Hari ini saja, untuk selamanya

Hari ini saya mengatakan kepada teman saya, saya kangen
Rasa kangen yang membuncah sampai dada saya ini sesak
Bukan karena saya memakai korset karena perut ini buncit lemak

Hari ini, saya mengatakan pada diri saya sendiri, saya kangen
Rasa kangen yang menyusup dalam setiap sel darah yang terpompa di dalam tubuh
Bukan karena saya meminum terlalu banyak kafein hari ini sehingga jantung terpacu kencang

Hari ini, saya ingin mengatakan kepada seluruh dunia, saya kangen
Rasa kangen yang membuat jakarta blur di mata saya
Bukan karena asap yang membuat mata saya yang berlingkaran hitam ini perih

Hari ini, dan untuk selanjutnya, saya akan selalu kangen
Kangen kamu
Lemburan arsitektur yang tidak masuk akal untuk sebagian orang

Ah, kembali sentimentil agogo
Tolong ingatkan saya, untuk tidak membuka blog mereka lagi
Blog yang berisi kata-kata lembur dan foto-foto kertas berserakan

---
TiQi Bo
altough I kept on denying that I do not need architecture, for 5 years of my life, I am addicted and married to architecture. Now, architecture is my ex spouse and my mistress...
Don't tell anyone, but I was one madly in love with you, architecture... Well, I still love you now anyway...

I never did it before, so let it be the first

saat post ini dipublish, nun jauh di Bali sana,,, Mami Lie sedang lembur,,, ninggalin Odie ma Koko... poor Odie... sini, sama tante aja,,, hyahahahah... Dan, secara mengejutkan, Inchan menolak ajakan ke Kudeta *dan ajep2* dan dengan suka rela nglembur bantu Mama Lie,,, padahal biasanya jam stengah tujuh malem udah kabur dari kantor... wah2, pertanda apakah ini? dunia memang aneh... Anyway! SMANGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!

There's always a first time for every thing. For the first time, by all my consciousness, I chose to appear permanently offline for a person. Well, I have appear offline to another person before, but I did that to do a joke on me, hehe.
I always thought that appearing offline would mean really chicken. By hiding from someone forever. But this time, I did that to gain my own self. I did that because I have no other option. That person didn't give me another option.
And after I appear offline, apparently the person's status was full of joy. Not questioning like the person used to do.
And this morning, a friend of mine told me abot a person that appeared permanently offline to her, finally appeared online.

Bo: So, what did you do?
A friend: I encouraged myself to start the conversation
Bo: Then?
A friend: He didn't reply. He totally ignored me.

I mumble to myself. Would I do the same? I tried to did my best, pretend that me and that person I appeared offline for had a normal kind of friendship. I tried so hard. But I realized that I could not change that person's point of view, as that person couldn't change mine. I gave the person chances to stop and just leave everything right on it's place. But that didn't happen.
So was I wrong to appear offline permanently to the person? I really don't know. I guess the person is better off without me being online in the person's YM list. And I would hold up my anger and tears and save them for something else worthed.
And there will always be a blessing in disguise for everything. I got accompanied sometimes by the chief of dark community. Together we would wait for the dawn community to show up, haha. Thank you for all the stupid riddles, chief!

Chief: telor apa yang ditakutin ma telor2 lainnya?
Bo: pass... hahahah...
Chief: Telor asin, soalnya punya tato (cap)
Bo: *LOLz*
Chief: Telor apa yang ditakutin ma telor asin?
Bo: Gw tau! Gw tauuuu!!! Telor puyuuuuuh!
Chief: Lah, kok tau?
Bo: Kan tatonya lebih banyaaaaak....
hueheheheheheheheh...
I know, it's stupid.


So, this is where it ends. In this crossroad. I'll head that way, and I won't see where will you head. I won't say anything about this, rather than that I would say 'I'll meet you in another crossroads on my life. Thanks for the accompany all along, mate!'


---
TiQi Bo
Trying to remind my own self that there will always be a blessing in disguise...